Interview with a fly girl

The following is the transcript from Mr. Man’s January 23 interview with Winter Santiaga.

Theme show music to WBLG-FM ‘s “Listen up with Mr. Man!” begins.

Mister Man (MM): You’re listening to WBLG, the radio blog station where you hear only what I want you to hear. Today we have reality TV star Winter Santiaga in our studio. Winter, hello. Thank you for joining us.

Theme show music fades out.

WINTER SANTIAGA (WS): You’re welcome.

MM: Winter, first and foremost I want to say you look amazing. You are quite the fashionista.Tell our listeners who you’re wearing.

WS: Everything from my gold-plated sunglasses down to my pink satin platform pumps is Versace.

MM: Head to toe, huh?

WS: Yes.

MM: Even that purple fur coat?

WS: Yes. Luxury mink lined with silk, by Versace.

MM: Wow, so colorful.

WS: You got a problem with color?

MM: Of course not! (clears throat) I understand you have quite the storied history.

WS: (chuckles sexily) You could say that.

MM: Of course we know you’re here to promote your wildly popular television show, but before we talk about that, let’s go back in time.

WS: Let’s.

MM: Says here you’re the daughter of a drug lord and a crack w-h-o-r-e.

WS: You can say ‘whore’ on the radio.

MM: I prefer not. This is a family show.

WS: Right.

MM: And it says you served a 15-year prison sentence for/

WS: (interrupts) For bullshit!

MM: OK, terrific, we’ll edit that out later. So, did you have fun in prison?

WS: (sighs)

MM: It also says here that you are the victim of gun violence/

WS: Do not call Winter Santiaga a victim. Ever.

MM: Perfect, got it. Duly noted.

WS: What else does it say on your little card?

MM: I’m told you were in a coma for several weeks. It says here you…’slept with the devil?’ (laughs) Damn howdy, I can’t be the only one who’s a little jealous! What was that like?

WS: I have a lot of enemies, but I wouldn’t wish a coma or sexual assault on a single one of them.

MM: Still it must have been nice to get caught up on all that sleep? What I wouldn’t give to be able to just sleep, amirite?

WS: What I wouldn’t give to not have to talk to ignorant people.

MM: (still laughing) I know that’s right.

WS: (sighs)

MM: Winter, what can tell us about that five-inch scar on your face?

WS: That I’m a beautiful bad bitch regardless.

MM: Great. So…how’d you get it?

WS: My friend slashed me.

MM: Your ‘friend?’

WS: She was mad at me for killing her baby. It was a misunderstanding. We’re cool now.

MM: (more laughter) That’s so sweet. (pauses) So, tell us what it means to Winter Santiaga to be a ‘bad witch-with-a-b.’

WS: Witch-with-a-b?

MM: Again, this is a family show.

MM: What do you know about family, ‘Mr. Man?’

MM: Well, I know I’d like to have one of my own some day.

WS: You got a girlfriend?

MM: (laughs) I get around.

WS: That’s not what I asked. I asked if you had a girlfriend?

MM: I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.

WS: That’s because you’ll never love anyone as much as you love the sound of your own voice.

MM: I…I think it’s important to hydrate. (gulps water)

WS: When are we going to talk about my show?

MM: Oh right. I forgot. I confess I’ve never seen it. I’m more of an ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ kind of guy.

WS: That’s obvious.

MM: Uh, well, here. I’ll just get down to the nitty gritty so you can be on your way. What’s the first thing you want your fans to think of when they think of ‘Winter Santiaga?’

WS: Cold.

MM: Cold…

WS: Yeah. Cold.

MM: Cool.

WS: (sighs)

Theme show music outro underscores Mister Man’s outro.

MM: Winter Santiaga, it’s been a pleasure getting to know you. Good luck in all your future endeavors. Coming up, we hear from Barb Kardashian. She’s not related to ‘those’ Kardashians; she says just changed her name so she could be like them. You won’t want to miss that so stay tuned to WBLG. I’m Mister Man.

Connie Kuntz recently read the books “The Coldest Winter Ever” and “Life after Death” by Sister Souljah. The main character in both novels is the tough-talking, street-smart fashionista Winter Santiaga. When prompted to “interview a fictional character” for the #bloganuary project, she decided to write about the uniquely charismatic ex-con turned reality TV star. Connie hopes you read the books or at least get familiar with Sister Souljah’s powerful work.